We are off to Spain in a couple of days time and already I am looking forward to catching up with neighbours and friends over leisurely lunches and dinners. When we were last in Spain we ate at a stylish Spanish restaurant and engaged with a young couple and their two little girls sat on a table beside us. The girls were aged two and four, both were wearing their 'Sunday best' matching outfits and sat throughout the entire meal without any distractions other than the meal they were sharing with their parents which included a variation of tapas. As I've said time and again, it is not unusual to see Spanish children dining quite happily with adults, mealtimes are very much a shared experience and I've yet to see a Spanish child have a separate meal (such as chicken nuggets) or a solitary meal.
We often overlook the psychology surrounding food, however, the more I study our relationship with eating, the more I see how it affects our mental characteristics and attitudes towards wider issues. This week has seen Baroness Bakewell making comments about anorexia which have caused a tidal wave of indignation and online vitriol. She commented that anorexia was the result of our obsession with being beautiful and thin and that in places where there was not enough food (such as Syrian refugee camps) eating orders don't exist.
Bakewell, like many of her (and my) generation, grew up with not being able to leave the table until you had finished everything on your plate. This seems such an old-fashioned concept now, particularly as most children in the UK don't even sit at a table to eat but just graze their way through finger foods unfettered.
Anorexia is but one of the many complex issues we have with food. Eating disorders often stem from anxiety and are often the only way, from a very young age, that we can exert control. Toddlers learn very quickly that they can get a reaction from adults by refusing to eat and so a pattern begins. In a 'normal' happy environment, most parents will deal with a few food related tantrums, however, if there are wider issues, young children can and often will, treat food as an emotional tool.
An example of this was my auntie Frances. Evacuated during the war as a small child she suffered from what would modernly be termed as 'separation anxiety.' Thrown into an alien environment, she was fed mainly on bread and jam, thus when she was returned to my grandparent's she refused to eat anything my grandmother prepared on two grounds, one as an emotional protest, (having felt rejected) the other because she had literally forgotten how to eat anything other than bread and jam!
Fortunately my grandmother navigated the emotional issues and Frances eventually returned to normal eating by being drawn back into her family which involved sitting and sharing proper meals together in an an act of love rather than being randomly handed the odd bit of bread and jam, however, far from being an act of vanity, Frances could have easily succumbed to anorexia by expressing her distress in an act of self-starvation.
We seem to be circumspect in making a connection between food and the inner person. Eating habits are 'learned behaviours' they are not intuitive. Our early relationships with how and what we eat at home sticks with us into adulthood. By feeding our children ready meals and snacks we are facilitating this great chaotic democracy of allowing them to eat their way towards eating disorders.
And it is not just about the food we are feeding our children, even in very poor cultures, eating together is a bonding experience, there is an old Italian proverb which says: 'He who eats alone suffocates' children in the UK are often left to eat alone with only their mobiles and tablets for company.
13 million people in the UK have health issues connected with food, that should surely tell us that we're going wrong somewhere? If we feed our children as we would feed our pets rather than spending some quality time sitting with them and encouraging them to try different foods, instead of using the lame excuse that they'll only eat chips/nuggets/crisps etc, we might resolve some of the serious mental issues connected with food. A bit of time, patience and love certainly worked for my grandmother with auntie Frances!
My friend Clarrie is currently trying different flavours with her baby Kadi as she did with her son Todd.
If children are encouraged to cook and eat well it will invariably stay with them for the rest of their lives and beyond anything else is a wonderful social skill.
This next recipe was always a favourite of mine as a child because of the pineapple. I've always loved a combination of sweet and savoury and adding sweet ingredients to meals is a great way to broaden your children's teatime repertoire.
Gammon steak with pineapple
Recipe
1 gammon steak per person
1 can of pineapple rings
Knob of butter
For the adult version I add chilli flakes but it's not a good idea if your children aren't used to spices
Heat butter in a frying pan, add pineapple rings and a little juice, fry until caramelised
Set pineapple aside and in the same pan fry the gammon steaks for 3-4 minutes each side
Remove the steaks, add pineapple juice to the pan and reduce until you have a sticky syrup
Serve gammon steaks and pineapple with homemade chips and peas, pour the sticky sauce over the steaks
'If we wish to provide a beautiful, peaceful safe home for our children, we need healthy expanding roots that go deep into the ground. These roots are our routine, our nurturing, our structure.'
- Natasa Pantovic Nuit.
'Family life was and always will be the foundation of any civilisation.'
- Erin Pizzey.
Remember, life is irreplaceable! Spend time cooking and eating with your children while you can!
Love Donna xxxxxxxx
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