I never met my paternal grandmother but I often wonder, was she happy? I would hazard a guess that she was probably tired, and worried where the next meal was coming from most of the time, however, apparently she was a jolly lady despite living an impoverished life in a small dwelling with nine children to take care of. I don't suppose she had time to even consider 'happiness,' hers, like many women of her generation, was a life of making the best of things.
I read an article recently, written by a doctor, which asked the question: 'Are you happy?' Apparently, according to the Office for National Statistics, middle aged people are the least happy people in the UK.
We have such high expectations nowadays regarding happiness, we live in a hedonistic society where we endlessly pursue pleasure. Women, particularly of my generation, are no longer tied to the drudgery or lack of independence known by our mothers and grandmothers. We have so much more by way of material things, clothes, handbags, shoes, cosmetics......we have modern appliances that take the hard work out of housework. We go to the hairdressers and beauticians, we dine out and take foreign holidays, we drive and shop online and we barely have to cook if we don't want to.
Yet the statistics are undeniable. People in middle age are juggling careers with responsibilities towards growing children and ageing parents, there are never-ending calls on our time, money and patience with the result that many people in their 40s and 50s are frazzled and stressed.
Ironically, women such as my grandmother didn't strive to feel 'happy' what really mattered was that their lives had purpose and meaning. My grandmother apparently felt a tremendous sense of accomplishment looking after her family. Women of that era realised that there were things other than perpetual happiness which gave their lives meaning, they took the discomfort and sadness along with the good times which they rejoiced.
My gilded lifestyle (compared with my grandmothers generation) is definitely more isolatory. Where my grandmother was surrounded by her family (as the children grew they rarely moved further than a couple of streets away) and neighbours all mucked in together, there was always help at hand and camaraderie. Front doors were left open, what little people had was shared, children played in the street and no one was vying for one upmanship.
It would be foolish for me to say I hanker after my grandmothers life, I can't begin to imagine hand washing heavy fabrics on a wash board, digging through frost to find vegetables for dinner, having nine hungry mouths to feed, taking a bath in a tub filled from a kettle once a week.......
However, I guess we should all take a moment to think about happiness, it seems unbelievable, given all the luxuries we now have, that happiness still evades us? I guess we should realise that happiness is not an entitlement and can't really be measured by material things, luxuries and adventures.
For my part, (particularly since Bert has left home) I realise that happiness is having your loved ones around you. It's not about the new car, the holiday to the Maldives or the Louboutin shoes, these are fleeting, it's not about impressing your friends or upstaging your colleagues. Happiness for me is when Bert pops in for a cup of tea or cooking Sunday lunch and having loved ones around the table, not so very different to my grandmothers idea of happiness I suspect.
Quite often, I find that the things which give me the most pleasure are quite mundane. Don't get me wrong, I pursue happiness as much as the next man, a meal in a nice restaurant, a few drinks at the pub with friends, a new outfit, a holiday........However, I find real comfort spending time in my kitchen, listening to radio 4 whilst preparing dinner or baking. I posted recently about industrialised bread (see post: Homemade Bread) and how bad it is for us. However, I appreciate that making homemade bread is quite laborious and not something the majority of my audience would consider making with regularity. Having done some research, I have found several very good organic bread mixes which can be bought either online or in most health food shops. This is simplicity itself, a case of mixing your dry mixture with water, kneading and leaving to rise before baking. Beyond the fact that this both tastes and smells so good, it's actually very therapeutic to push aside your phone or tablet, forget about your hectic day and just lose yourself in a bit of mindfulness.
Organic multi-seed bread
1 packet of bread mix
Empty dry mix into a bowl (if using a plain mix you can add a few pumpkin seeds or chopped nuts)
Add required amount of tepid water
Mix together until you form a dough
Place dough on a floured surface and knead and stretch for 10 minutes
Mould into a ball and rest for 10 minutes
Shape the dough and place in a greased loaf tin, cover with a damp tea towel and leave to rise for 40 minutes
Uncover and bake in the oven 230c/gas mark 8 for 30 minutes until golden brown and sounds hollow when you tap the base
Turn out and cool on a wire rack
'Maturity is achieved when we postpone immediate pleasures for long-term values.'
- Joshua L Liebman
'I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck.'
- Emma Goldman.
Love Donna xxxxxxxxx
No comments:
Post a Comment