Having spent time in Spain again I have been fascinated with the role of Spanish women within the family. Naturally, many of the younger women in the village have jobs, however, there is still a large female presence during the day of women shopping, chatting on doorsteps or playing with their children in the park, being a stay-at-home mother is not an unusual thing.
Whenever I broach the subject of stay-at-home mothers it seems to cause a bit of contention, it is, after all, a very divisive subject. The truth is, before this generation of mothers was even born, our society ranked staying at home and bringing up children way below going to university, securing a good job, having the ability to travel or go out socially at our leisure, honing ourselves at the gym or spending time networking on our computers.
The question is, are women better off and more importantly, are our children happier with this modern status quo?
I'm currently reading a book, 'Mother can you hear me?' Which is a story about the generation gap and the complexities of mother and child relationships. The story is essentially about a modern, working mother and her relationship with her own mum, who had made endless sacrifices for her family, consequently leading a repressed life of routine and drudgery.
At one point the elderly mother, who is staying with her daughter, says: 'You look worn out, you work too hard, on the go morning, noon and night.' The daughter responds 'So were you.' But the mother points out that she didn't have a big house or a job, she says 'All I know is that for all your fine house and car and so called modern conveniences you seem more worn out, rushed and impatient than I ever was. I had time for a cup of tea with my neighbours.' The final implication was that she had time and patience for her children!
My own mother was a stay-at-home mum and without question, although she was very intelligent and creative and could have chosen numerous professions, put us children first whilst we were young, consequently I had an idyllic childhood.
But it is a double edged sword. My mother in law, likewise a stay-at-home mum has inflicted a permanent sense of guilt on my partner (her son.) Underneath the seemingly delicate surface is a strong martyr complex, her passive aggressive behaviour makes my poor partner feel that he is never quite grateful enough. His mother exudes glumness and is permanently disappointed with his efforts, she uses pathos as a weapon and her son is torn between love and resentment, joyful giving and obligation. This is a legacy no mother wants to leave her children!
Personally, I think motherhood is a calling and not just a hobby, not something you do if you can squeeze the time in between your own pursuits. Motherhood is about sacrifices and selflessness, a very old fashioned notion and to be truthful an often boring, tiring option, but of course with the luxury of contraception there is always the choice for those truly career oriented not to have children.
Whilst in Spain my neighbours little boy, Alejandro, would knock most days and would come in for a snack or drink and I enjoyed his company......of course I was mindful of the fact that if he became boisterous or bored I could hand him straight back to his parents!
One of the rituals most Spanish mothers partake in is preparing fresh tapas for their families to eat in the evening
These mushrooms were divine, I've scoured the Internet for the recipe to no avail!
This next tapas is delicious, easy to make and great for vegetarians.
Cheesy mushrooms
Recipe
250g cheese suitable for melting, gruyer or emmental, cubed
Large punnet of mushrooms, sliced
2 tablespoons butter
1 cup of milk
Sea salt and black pepper
Melt butter in a large frying pan over a medium heat
When butter is bubbling add mushrooms, season and stir frequently to evenly cook
When golden remove from heat and set to one side
In a small pan, pour in milk, add cheese and begin melting over a low heat, stir frequently
When cheese is melted add to sautéed mushrooms
Spoon into individual oven safe dishes and place in hot oven for 10 minutes
Season on top and serve immediately
'This is what we do, my mother's life said. We find ourselves in the sacrifices we make.'
- Cammie McGovern.
Love Donna xxxxxxxxxxxxx
No comments:
Post a Comment