What I'm looking at, what I see
And what it means. What I want, and what I fear.'
- Joan Didion
Joan Didion says: 'writing forces you to think.' For as long as I can remember I have kept diaries, jotted things down in notebooks: quotes, poems, unusual words which I reference later. Scraps of paper, notebooks and diaries abound throughout my home, I am a collector of words, I express myself through writing things down and equally by reading what others have written.
When a friend suggested we write a blog I felt that I would have nothing to say and too much to say. Writing forces you to assert opinions, all well and good in a diary, but I knew once I started writing publicly my opinions might not always be appreciated. Whilst this is essentially a food blog it is not a recipe blog, there are a zillion chef's and cook's out there who are better placed to offer their gastronomic expertise. My blog is about life, it is existential, food of course plays a vital role in our existence and I enjoy cooking so it all ties in quite nicely.
This leads me to the subject of comfort food, the fact that food isn't just fuel but that it can provide a nostalgic or sentimental feeling. I recently had family from London visit me and my sister in law spoke about a particular dish that a friend has made for her during times of sadness and how that simple act has provided her with some comfort when she has been at a low ebb.
This week we were rocked by the tragic news that Robin Williams had died as a result of depression, this extremely complex disease has claimed yet another victim and all sorts of theories have been attributed to its cause. Williams had a history of alcoholism and substance abuse, he was also well known for his hyperactive personality, wildly ricocheting between voices which was often countered by his tender and vulnerable side off camera, extreme behaviour being a classic sign of depression.
In an interview to promote his film 'World's Greatest Dad' Williams was apparently tangential and divergent, more recently he was 'back on form' displaying excessively active behaviour and proclaiming he was not afraid to feel unhappy.
The adage that everyone thinks of changing the world, but never thinks of changing himself, could probably be applied to Williams. He once said: 'In America they really do mythologise people when they die.' His high profile, high maintenance lifestyle could not in his eyes be simplified, there wasn't an option to drift into old age tending his roses and building sandcastles with his grandchildren, the trappings of fame and fortune came at a sacrificial price.
Battling with severe depression is a solitary experience, after my father died my mother continued to go through the motions of everyday life but she became vague and when I look at photos of her I see that her eyes had become lifeless, like a doll's eyes. To the outside world my mother was coping, in reality she was merely functioning. We dedicated this poem to her at her funeral.
He first deceased, she for a little tried
To live without him, liked it not and died.
- Sir Henry Wotton.
When my sister in law lost her first husband her friend made her this next dish, she took it to Sally's home knowing that she was not cooking or eating properly. It has since become Sally's signature comfort food.
Aubergine bake
Recipe
Basic tomato sauce (see recipe at bottom of page: baked pasta with tomato sauce and cheese)
4 aubergines
Salt
2 balls mozzarella
Lasagne sheets
Olive oil
Preheat oven 190/gas 5
Trim aubergines and slice lengthways
Arrange slices in a colander and sprinkle with salt, leave to drain for 30 minutes
Dry the salted aubergines with kitchen paper
Heat a frying pan with 2-3 cm olive oil
When the oil is shimmering fry the aubergine in batches until golden
Lift out and drain on kitchen paper
In a baking dish spread a layer of tomato sauce
Cover with lasagne sheets and a layer of fried aubergines
Scatter with torn mozzarella
Continue layering until the dish is full
Bake for 30-40 minutes
'Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand - and melting like a snow flake.'
- Francis Bacon
Robin Williams RIP
Love Donna xxxxxx
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